The Holidays are over....whew.

Hopefully everyone had a safe holiday and got everything they wanted on their list.  Personally, I'm happy the holidays are over.  I don't think I could have handled the crowds much longer, late Christmas shoppers were making my grocery shopping a nightmare.

I haven't got much to give you guys, my Romcom is done and I'm going into edits.  It's still untitled and I'm trying to figure out the cover.  I've got a pretty good idea of what I want, just going to take a little work to get it accomplished.  I should be more excited that I've finished the project, but there is still too much left to get done before I can celebrate.

School starts on the 4th and that should be interesting.  Picking up an English class to help me with edits and maybe meet some other freelancers out there.  Who knows, I might even discover I like English.  Doubtful but stranger things have happened.  Doc Holiday used to be a dentist.

Happy Thanksgiving

Just wanted to say that.  While I've never been a big fan of the holiday itself, I know a lot of Americans are.  So, I want everyone to have a happy and safe holiday.

I know it's been a minute since I've updated but I've been hella busy.  I have a book out with a few agents right now and it's approaching that 'should hear something soon' date.  A magazine has a couple of my short stories and I'm waiting patiently to hear back on that too.  I've also been working on a damned rom/com that won't get out of my head, fortunately it isn't going to be much longer before that's finished and I'm trying to figure out how to do the book cover for it.  Rom com normally isn't my style but when the muse tells me to write it, I write.  She's a slave driver, whip and all.

Life, is okay.  I have a hard time with the holiday season, especially once Black Friday hits and people go commercial crazy.  Social phobia prevents me from attending madhouse events, fortunately sites like Amazon are having their own black friday events, so I won't have to leave the house if I don't want to.  See Os enjoy her black friday at home with some cocoa and a re-read of The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson.

I read a few books but nothing that impressed me.  Finale by Becca Fitzgerald was too hard to get back into, so I couldn't finish it.  The new Darenda Jones Reaper book wasn't terribly impressive either.  I get a little bummed with series books because you wait so long and then your disappointed.  The last Sookie book will be out soon and I have mixed emotions about it.  I'm glad the series is coming to an end because the books have gotten harder and harder to enjoy the last few releases have let me down so I think it's best that the series ends before it ruins itself.  So if you are looking for a great book to read over the holidays I'd recommend The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, it's a book that is a journey and in the end you might learn something new about yourself.

Enjoy your turkey comas everyone.

If I can vote....

So can you.

I'm not going to say it's like a day at Six Flags or you'll actually get anything out of it, but you will excersice your Constitutional right to select a candidate that will best represent you and what you stand for (if Mickey Mouse isn't on your ballot, there is a convienent place to write him or any other candidate you'd prefer if you do not like who's running....but the write-in doesn't always win, just so you know.)

I figure stretching your Constitutional rights is important, especially for that 47 percent Mit wants to forget exists.  I mean, women and African American people all across the country should especially be getting out there, we fought for the right to vote didn't we?  So it just makes sense, at least to me, that you get up, get dressed, and find where you are supposed to go and do your civic duty.


Isn't it funny, here I am a relative hermit with social anxiety disorder telling people to go brave the crowds and vote.  I'm telling you to do it because if I can, so can you.  The difference is, you might not have as good an excuse to fall back on later when people ask why you didn't vote.

And btw....I've always been a firm believer in the 'if you didn't vote, you shouldn't complain' policy, you had your chance and by opting out on voting, you've not only nullified your vote, but your opinion on what happens for the next four years.

I'm not going to tell you who I voted for, though the answer might surprise you.

Anyway, that's the message for the day....VOTE!

Stretch. Yawn. Edit. Repeat

I've always hated it when I'm in the middle of a project and a new voice starts crowding out the one I'm currently trying to finish.  Let me tell you, hearing two or three imaginary voices in your head at one time is enough to make your head explode because they all clamor at the same time, louder and louder until one wins out and it's usually not the project I'm working on.  Talk about bummer.  My muse is productive but she's got a bad case of ADD.  Aggravation is just one of the many emotions these situations provoke.  Like now, half way done with my last short story for the Consequences and Coinsidence set and BAM there they are singing like a dysfunctional and out of tune chorus.

My muse forgets that I like sleeping, eating, and I do (despite my wariness with social activities and anything involving people) have daily responsibilities I have to get done.  These needs go completely unheeded until someone usually tells me I need to eat something because they haven't seen me eat in forty eight hours.

Part of my problem is mental, not just my muse.  Being bipolar, the highs and lows that come with it - even medicated are a battle in themselves.  Medication isn't a magical cure to your problems, it takes work and due diligence to fight the impulses that come with the swings.  Cognitive behavioral therapy isn't easy.  You're literally reprogramming your brain, and it takes continuous work.  Work that's draining, but if you keep doing it, eventually you fix part of yourself, you replace deconstructive behaviors with something positive.

Fortunately for me, my mania is much easier to control than the depression.  My writing channels most of my mania, and it's a coping mechanism that I've found works for me.  But the depression, that's a whole different ballgame.  Depression is like a cloud that just rolls in low and covers everything in a dark blanket.  That's my problem.  It's hard to motivate myself through those spots.  It's hard not to revert to old behaviors and habits.  Those old unhealthy impulses ride you hard and it would be so easy to slip.

But then I don't.  I'm working on my baggage.  I don't know how long it will take me to get used to dealing with people again, but I've had several years of self-management with/without medication.  I can see the difference the meds make for me.  Do they hamper the highs?  Absolutely, but at the same time, so has a lot of the internal work I've done to get to where I am.  Like I said earlier, the meds aren't a cure all.  They aren't the magic wand.  Bipolar's have to do constant internal work to keep from falling off our wagons because in the back of our minds, the impulses ride us like a cheap horse.

We crawl walls because we have so much energy without a constructive way to channel that energy, it quickly turns deconstructive.  Mania can be just as dangerous as it can be exhilarating.  Mania can easily channel into rage, especially if there are outside influences ie. illegal drugs/alcohol.

So, I'm just going to say that it's been a rough couple of days and leave it at that because I think I've shoved enough information down your throat for one day.  Just know I'm still working, though the pace has slowed a little because of muse conflicts.  (No, I'm bipolar not psychotic.)

    

Post Halloween

I love fall, the change of the leaves and the way the world just seems to smell different, more earthy and less flowery.  But damn if I don't hate waking up after realizing I left the air conditioning on and it dropped to fifty degrees during the night time.  My house was nice and cold when I woke up this morning.  I'm surprised I didn't freeze to death in my sleep but I've been told my body doubles as a furnace.

Anyway, nothing much happened on Halloween except I threw tea on some teenager's car when they acted like they were going to hit me and my neighbor.  What can I say, I was pretty pissed.  If I'd had a rock in my hand, it wouldn't have just been tea that went through their window.

I'm fine with kids having their fun, but not at the expense of others.  And those kids last night missed my neighbor and I by nothing. The rim of my glass touched their car window, that's how close they were.  TPing houses, the occasional egging, pumpkin smashing, while I don't approve, they are mild in comparison to hit-and-run.  And my neighbor worried they were going to come back and shoot us over it.

Now I am a small woman, my neighbor a fairly larger man, so I couldn't help wondering why it seemed I didn't have any problems with the kids returning, but he did.  We stayed out chatting for a couple of hours later but the kids never came back.

And then he tells me that "It's hard to stand up for yourself, there are too many crazies out there who don't value life."

I can't help it, I laughed.  Because I know this better than he does.  The difference is, if you don't stand up, people will just stampede over you.  Was he right?  Absolutely, but that doesn't change the facts.  We lay down and we are just to quote Pink Floyd "Another brick in the wall."  I don't want that, not for me.  I like positions that don't require me to stay on me knees.

My neighbor thinks I'm crazy, he doesn't know the half of it.

I got a fan letter that made me smile, thanks for that.  I love it when people take the time to tell me where I did right or if I did wrong.  Makes me feel like I've done my job.

Still working.  I'm on hold while I do research though and the doctor I'm dealing with is loonier than Saturday morning cartoons.

Boxing

It's been a rough couple of days and my hands are hamburger to show for it.  Yes, I've been writing, but it's harder after I've gone a few rounds with the boxing bag.  Like writing it's another outlet, only I use it to get rid of my less creative impulses.  What can I say, I don't have many days that are emotionally level so I spend a lot of my time working with my outlets and trying to keep up the cognitive behaviors shit the doc keeps giving me to work with.  I've made progress but it never feels good enough.  If you're a perfectionist too you'll understand what I mean even if you can't understand being bipolar.


Anyway, so today I had to be around a lot of a people.  It was for a good cause so I forced myself to do it despite all my feelings to the opposite.  Now I'm dealing with the drawbacks of not listening when my brain says I can't handle something.  So me and the boxing ring go round and round.  The redder and rawer my hands get.  I should get gloves but I have to order them special cause I have small hands.  They feel like big strong hands, and they really put a pounding on my heavy tonight, but they're small.

Well, I need to get back to working, cause that's what I'm not getting paid to do hehehe.  I'll leave the ring alone and leave it to the professionals for now.  But I've noticed my right hook carries a little lower than it used to, gonna have to work on that.

Another day, another page

I had an appointment that went well this morning so I guess you could say I'm in a better mood than I normally am at this hour of the day.  But that's not saying much, not really.  Anyway so the meeting went well, and it's subject matter is not writing related so it really isn't fodder for the blog.

I've been working on Thirty Days, but I've run into a problem with the main character.  He and I will sort it out.  I don't like forcing my characters to do things they wouldn't do for the sake of reader preference or enjoyment.  My characters are usually very flawed and unless there is some miraculous intervention, they'll stay that way.

Anyway, so I wanted to everyone to know I'm still working, just have some real life things getting in the way and screwing up my creative writing time hours, but this too shall pass and me and the main character will work out our problems or else.....I don't think threatening fictional characters actually works, but I'm willing to give it a go.